this place has caused scars i cannot comprehend

so much so,

lately i have dreamt of my end.

so,

let me go to a far away land,

one without pain

where i can pretend integrity is the currency,

without justifications,

or rewriting history.

one that captures my esoteric existence

the abandonment of conventional ways

where even in overwhelming darkness

small,

warmth still exists

in the tiniest of flames

probity sustains the grounds

trees speak in codes about past lives

pivotal flutters,

jolts they have found.

the sky is painted in the days that existed before

encouraging all who live under it to be bold,

to explore

the land far away is a rarity,

locked.

a jewel hanging around my neck,

or existing by

only paper and

pen.

multi facetted,

sewn by connection

where safety is priority,

a concept without question.

laughs do not have to fade into becoming scripted

or smiles fall right on que

more so

eyes are met on pages of stories

every layer matters

as in;

this only happens to a few.

cruelties spectrum isn’t obscene

there are ups and downs,

but intent is gracious,

never mean.

but as a little girl,

sitting amongst the birds, breeze,

and leaves,

i knew this was never where i was going to be.

i fell hard in dirt that wreaks of pretend

in a land run by boys, princes and men.

where i will only thrive if i smile pretty and play game after game.

but never win,

for that breaks egos,

that produces an incomprehensible slain.

what would a world be without the seeds of male reign?

repression feeds on them from the inside

their fragile masculinity is magnified

for they are not blind to hypocrisies,

or religious ironies

to be where their weaknesses are amplified

challengers are banished, smeared, minimized.

the little girl grows to woman,

asking why this world has been the way

it was,

feeling silly for yearning for the one far,

the land beyond,

this place has caused scars i cannot comprehend

so much so,

lately i have dreamt of my end.

and when thinking of the land far away,

the one that exists without pain,

i think

even if i have a one way ticket out,

i must stay.

not for an enchanting reason,

for servitude or glory,

but even i am part of a crumb,

a grain of sand to betterment,

my actions,

my words,

pain,

are crucial to the story.

for i have come to realize the body remembers

the sky fills from the flames embers

the mind doesn’t go quiet

one symphonic pluck vibrates throughout

every multidimensional territory has been marked,

has it found.

in my end,

when that time comes on that day,

there will be reason why i landed here,

i why stayed.